I picked up the book of The 5th Wave last year or so, read 40 pages, put it down and never looked at it again. The movie (which I won free tickets too) has done nothing to change that. Let’s go through the bad points one by one.
1. Chloe Grace Moretz
An overall completely underwhelming and poor performance by the film’s lead, Chloe Grace Moretz, who seems to be unable to do much other than widen her eyes and flare her nostrils to convey emotion. Not to mention the most clichéd movie voiceover I have ever head – with her best raspy, emotional, movie tone.
Sorry. Jennifer Lawrence or Shailene Woodley would have both done better jobs, in my opinion. I don’t really think Chloe Grace Moretz is the right choice for dystopian.
So Cassie, the main character, is one of the most weakest female leads I have ever seen. Her bangin’, kickass lines include: “Oh shit!” “Sam!” “Noooooo!!”
Throughout the book, she kills two people yet makes a Hitler of choosing. While there’s very little shooting, there’s a lot of
“DROP THE WEAPON”
“NO, YOU FIRST”
“NO, YOU FIRST”
Needless to say, it starts to become a little childish after a while.
And of the two people that she killed, one was a disabled man lying prostrate on the floor and the other was an “Other” (read: an alien come down to destroy humans) who technically should have been able to have her disarmed and dead within thirty seconds of Cassie touching her.
I mean, the Others are meant to be trained in goddamn kung fu and Cassie is a “normal” teen who has had no experience in fighting whatsoever, yet she manages to strangle this “Other” with a computer mouse.
Cassie, sorry to say, but you wouldn’t survive 30 seconds if this book/movie was real.
(I mean, so the first wave destroys all electricity, which means there’s no running water – she says so herself. Yet, how does she survive with her family, get time to flawlessly paint her nails black, and eat and drink with 1) no food and 2) no water? There’s a scene in which she actually fills her water bottle from the river and drinks straight from it. Like, hello? Ever heard of boiling river water before you drink it so you don’t die of poisoning?)
Oh, and I forgot to mention that 70% of the movie is Cassie saying that she’s “tough” and “strong” and she’s an independent woman who ain’t need no man, then she obviously gets kidnapped, and has to be saved at the very last second by her hunky Prince Charming, Evan. And that brings me to my third point.
It’s like the author went through a checklist and ticked off what the romance needed.
1) Hot guy
3) He saves her life
4) He bathes naked in the river and she sees his abs
5) Saves her on various occasions at the very last second
6) Has the fighting skills of Jackie Chan
7) Love at first sight
8) Love that transcends all barriers of logic, reason and laws of the universe
9) Star crossed lovers
10) The classic “And I… I choose you” scene.
11) Oh, and don’t forget the “I’ll come back for you!” (He doesn’t, btw)
Seriously, this goes beyond Instalove. This is basically a love built in heaven. *Yawn* (I mean, oh my God the BATHING NAKED IN THE LAKE scene is the MOST CLICHED thing I have EVER set eyes on)
4) The clichéd-ness
Here are some quotes from the movie (along with some facts):
The infamously aforementioned: “And I… I choose you” love confession *said in a breathy, husky, dreamy voice*
The also infamously aforementioned: “I’ll come back for you!” (said in a rushed, determined, loving voice)
She splits up with her brother (setting up the whole “I need to find my brother” thing) because he forgot his teddy at the camp, and she went back to get it. Does this sound familiar? Oh right, I’ve seen it only 3 billion times before.
The fact that the aliens are called “The Others”. #Creative
*said in whispery, scared voice* “What… what are you?”
*said in determined, heroic voice* “I know what you are”
And that’s most of what I could find. I’m sure there are more though.
5) Gaping plot holes
This book/movie/franchise relies majorly on gaping plot holes in order to work properly.
1) Why don’t they just adults instead of kids? I feel like this is mainly so we have a YA and not an adult book.
2) Why don’t the Others send down acid rain or something to kill everybody at once? Rather than going through waves and killing humans off one by one, why don’t they just kill every single person at once? I mean, you can make earthquakes and viruses and destroy all electricity, but you have to resort to killing off the last humans one by one?
3) Also, why doesn’t the virus kill everybody? Why are some people immune, and why do some people recover?
6) Plot twists
So last night, when I was ranting about this movie to my friend I said to him:
“The plot twists weren’t very shocking, but I guess he had written himself into a hole. He couldn’t really do anything apart from make someone and alien, and it turns out that they betrayed the people or whatever.”
And he said back:
“You’re completely wrong. There are heaps of things he could have done. For example, what if the 5th Wave itself is just a government hoax? The aliens are trying to protect the humans from an even greater threat? I dunno.”
Honestly, I would have far preferred those plot twists to the one that he gave us – which was the completely expected twist of people turn out to be aliens. While I didn’t predict what would happen because of the people who were aliens, I definitely predicted who was going to be an alien. And I was right. Ugh. Get those creative juices flowing, Rick.
7) Action scenes
The worst it comes to is guns and bombs, and it’s not even strategic gunning and bombing with a plan or anything. It’s more “run in there and shoot whatever you see” gunning and bombing. Barely thrilling, and the nameless enemies just die with clean shots to the heart. No blood, no nothin’. Just collapse to the floor moaning.
Also, it seems like everybody they fight seems to be a really bad shot, because while the enemies are dropping like flies due to their miraculously improved gunning after one lesson, the shots always seems to come precariously close to vital spots. Perhaps 10 centimetres from the head. But they never hit. Ever.
One good person dies, and he wasn’t even a supporting character, let alone a prominent one. He probably said 2… maybe even 3 lines? I WANT A SACRIFICE HERE.
And so that’s all I have for my rant on The 5th Wave movie. How many times did I use the word “Ugh” you say? Well, what a good question, and the answer is NOT ENOUGH.